do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
