I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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