You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
