mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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