My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
