Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
