Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He has the fingertips of a God
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