woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
