Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
