i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
