I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
