im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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