she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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