i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
