What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
