I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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