I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
