Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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