the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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