i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
