I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
