hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
