I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
