last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
