i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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