You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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