Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
