I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My boob is missing a layer of skin
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
