yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
