real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
