so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's never too late to be topless.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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