i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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