Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
