at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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