Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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