Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
