I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
