I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
