i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
