OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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