My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
