She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
