Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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