White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
