i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
