If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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