She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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