the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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