What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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