I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
