I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
