I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
